“Bradley”

BY TARA THAYER (21) Cornelius, NC

My wife kissed me goodbye this morning before work
She does not know today I will kill a man
Mid-thirties, just like me
He robbed a bank at eighteen
A stray bullet caught someone’s grandfather
And today he will pay the price for it

My wife packed me a hearty lunch
Two sandwiches and a bag of kettle chips
A note to say she loves me and to have a good afternoon
She does not know at three o’clock I will kill a man
I review the case file and the injection procedures
My team gathers the vials

My wife sends me a text about plans for the weekend
She does not know that in an hour I will kill a man named Bradley
Mid-thirties, just like me
He is slender and fair from years of prison food and sunlight deprivation
I wonder if he is repentant
I wonder if it matters

I revisit the case file and pray for a call from the governor
It does not come

My wife will be waiting for me at six thirty with dinner prepped
I ask Bradley what he chose for his last meal
He does not look at me
Steak and potatoes
My partner places the needle
Today I will kill a man

I send a prayer to God for the strength to continue
A deep breath
Somehow it never gets easier
I remind myself that this is justice
Somehow it does not feel like it
Today I will kill a man

I think of my own sins
I wonder if this is to be counted among them
I ask Bradley if he has any final requests
Remember me when you go to church on Sunday
Forgive me for taking a life that was not mine to take
I remind myself that this is justice
And today he will pay the price for it

Bradley’s face drips in sweat
Someone wipes his forehead with a rag
And I am told it is time to go
I remind myself that this is justice
I think of my wife who is waiting at home
She does not like me to run late

The syringe is empty
Eye for eye, life for life
I ask myself if justice is meant to feel like this
Somehow it never gets easier
My team wraps his body and wheels him out of the room

I type up my notes in the case file
I clock out of work at six o’clock sharp
Walk to my car and promise to think of Bradley tomorrow

My wife calls me on my way home
She does not know that today I killed a man
I pull into the driveway at six thirty sharp
A deep breath and I walk through the door

She directs me to the dinner table
Steak and potatoes

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